My Dark Phoenix Moment

Happy holidays gang!

Usually when I go stream of consciousness it goes a bit south. At the same time the honesty is always a good feeling and I always promised to those that read this I would be totally honest..

When you get down to the bottom of it, I really think I am special. I don't think I'm better than anyone else, or worse for that matter, but I know I'm special. My parents always told me so. Like every one's parents did. Rough times and situations have happened and I didn't always connect to my inner belief of being extraordinary. When I did fully connect to it..boy did my whole world change. I started walking with my head higher than ever. The world started to open up to me and opportunity came from all directions. I always knew that I was destined for big things even when I had no idea what I wanted to do. Well that lack of focus did lead to a little bit of drifting..but when you drift with a strong belief in your own epic destiny..you end up having adventures all over the world. On some level I got to the place that I think most people wish to reach at some point in their lives..i really believed that I could accomplish ANYTHING. Didn't matter what it was. When Barack Obama was elected president I called my father and didn't talk about this moment in history or anything like that. I told him "You know dad, I kinda thought I would be the first" He had a good laugh but I was dead fucking serious. If that's what I wanted I believe I could have done it. So I thought a more worthy thing to do with my considerable special-ness and power cosmic was to become a moviestar..

The downside to this epic belief is that when you aren't quite at the lofty levels that you expected to be, it hits you hard. Ill say it till the day I die but if you show me a happy loser ill show you a long time loser. Ive now passed my Hollywood birthday and since college, I've been doing this as long as I was working a "real job" as in a real job with no serious thought of a different pursuit as opposed to the day jobs I work now. I didn't expect to be at the same level but I still feel like I am in the open wilderness. I'm alive, I've got all my fingers and toes but I don't have a compass and no compass would work anyway. I cant navigate by the stars although they are nice to look at. There are people who can help but they cant all the way help as each path is unique through this wilderness. A lot of times I reject their help as I am hard headed. I would hope that by this time I would have maybe gotten on top of a rock and seen the way out no matter how far away it must be. It definitely takes a toll on how special you think you are. :)  The fact is that I wanted this wilderness. I chose it on the idea that I can do anything and I cannot wane in my self belief now.

I see friends that stayed on the path I left doing very well in all the traditional sense. That makes me very happy! Ive seen some old enemies that are house shopping in the south of France. That made me frustrated in the moment I heard it whereas now I have had time to process it. Truthfully I must thank them for the re-focus and motivation. So here I am..approaching a birthday and now with a severely injured knee that recently punctuated how much of a wilderness I'm in. Trust me, having a knee injury in college with a full professional physical training staff at your disposal was no fun..it certainly isn't fun as an under insured starving actor. This is about as un-fun as my life has been for a while. But it is always darkest before dawn.. Whats the point of all this??

I promise to myself and my family and everyone who loves and supports me that I will get through to the other side. Im prepared to burn myself in my entirety down right now and be reborn as the person I know that I am inside. I promise that you will not know of a person who works harder than me going forward to make the most of himself in all things. This isnt about acting, money, business, finance or even a big house on the hill. Its that ive finally come to the point where I understand that when I live the life I imagine in my head and go after it..it works out for me. 

So with that said..its time for me to start physically rehabbing to get my body strong. Training in all the skills i need to move forward and make my talent strong. Feed my mind more knowledge to make my mind strong and really hone in and move my life towards MY VISION


There is no quote here..but thanks for reading!


Ahmad
@MoviestarAhmad on instagram and twitter
www.ahmadruss.com

Either the right place or the right track..which is YOU?

Greetings everyone!


Happy couple days after labor day. Its always bitter sweet as it signals the calendar end of summer. Here in southern cal the sun is still as bright as ever. As hot as its been..its still home for me.

A few weeks ago I sent out a tweet that got an old friend to call me out of the blue. They asked me what was up and I told them that the tweet said it all. I wasn't in physical danger then and i'm not in danger right now as I write this. What I was feeling at the time was pretty direct but did sum up the last few months I spent away from this blog. The realization I basically came to went like this..

Its ok to not be in the position you want to be in life..and its ok to not be on the right track but it is NEVER ok for both to be true simultaneously.

Its pretty sobering to think about that. At that moment I looked at myself and my situation and honestly acknowledged that both of those things were true of me and my reality. It can creep up on you while your focus is on your temporary job or when you allow yourself to become a captive to your current situation or the current obstacles in your face. I will never allow that to happen again.

Part of my struggle came as I turned away from this blog. I forgot that it was very therapeutic and  that people read it and asked about what I had to say next :) to those people I give you eternal thanks! I wont turn away again.

So what do I do now...very simple...I am not in the place I want to be. I don't own a home, or have a family nor am I established in my career to where I have earned the right to take a break to reflect. Thats OK..so long as EVERY DAY going forward is spent working on and being on the right track to get there. I know the work I need to do and its simply time to apply the consistent effort in all aspects of my life. My perma-positive outlook has long been a major strength to lean on at all times. I got bogged down and forgot that for a while.

Sometimes you have to call yourself out in order to move forward. :)


Quote of this post

"Get going. Move forward. Aim High. Plan a take-off. Don't just sit on the runway and hope someone will come along and push the airplane. It simply won't happen. Change your attitude and gain some altitude. Believe me, you'll love it up here."


Thanks for reading guys. Hit me up on twitter and instagram

Ahmad
@MoviestarAhmad on both

Summer time...Self improvement

Happy May everyone!

As always I hope this message reaches you in good health and spirits. It feels good to express myself writing again

Summer time is here..so how did your almost first half of the year go? We set some big goals and wanted to move closer to our dream. Some of you have put in the work and have earned a summer off. Good on ya! Hop in your private jet and go lay on a beach til your hearts content. I've done it..and it aint bad :) but I definitely have not earned a full summer off. So here is what you and I can do to have a productive summer and give us a great shot at finishing the year strong.

Don't lose hope if you haven't set the world on fire like you wanted to this year. Just make sure that you relax a little less and work a little more. Remember, don't take a vacay if you haven't worked enough to earn one. All that said, 3 things we can all do together this summer..

**Take stock of your skills and craft. Ultimately if you arent better at what you do than you were 6 months ago, let alone better than your competition, you arent going to dominate your field. Take a hard look at your skills. Call an old teacher..check out new ones. But you have to have the skills to pay the bills

**Feed your brain. Knowledge outside of your wheelhouse always helps. At the least the knowledge broadens your pool of intelligent conversation partners. If there is one thing that I have underestimated in the pasts its having random but intelligent discourse with people of all shades. It doesn't always have to be quantum physics but (along with 3 books in your field) pick up at least 3 new books this summer that you haven read

**Visualize to actualize. How should your year be going? Lots of you say its not what I want or not where I want to be..ok..fine. WHAT DO YOU WANT? Take a serious look and plan it out and see it in your mind. It may not happen according to plan but when you can see it your actions can help you be it.

**I wont harp on fitness today, as you already know how I feel. If you aren't in summer shape today, pick something physical to work towards to get on track now. Sign up for a 5k. Take a fight if you have time. Sometimes doing that thing and committing to training for it can break you out of a short term outta shape period. For me, Im signed up for an obstacle mud-run in a couple months. Wish me luck!

Guys if you really want to do something big in life its NOT going to be easy. If it were easy everyone would do it. So no matter where you are now, don't worry and don't freak out...just get to work and get on the right track again NOW and tomorrow will take care of itself.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason..and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together"

Thanks guys for reading!


Ahmad
@Moviestarahmad on Twitter and now on Instagram if you wanna see what I see

A vastly different take on how Richard Sherman demonstrates why I LOVE the f*****g playoffs.

Greetings super stars!

I hope all is well with you. Its only been a day :) but I was talking to my sister and of course the NFL playoffs came up. If you are reading this then you have certainly heard your fair share of commentary about the "controversy" regarding Seattle CB Richard Sherman and his actions. First of all, the Seahawks vs 49ers was the best game of the ENTIRE football season! Its really sad that this was lost in all the discussion. Now, let me tell you up front what this post is NOT about. Its not a rehash of the typical story lines at play here. This isn't about race, class or sportsmanship. Its not about Compton to Stanford or the score and certainly not about whether the reporter was afraid. Not that those aren't valid opinions to express but you have all heard those expounded upon and I promised something different. I aim to deliver :) So I'm talking to my dear sister and she asked what I thought about it and to me it was very simple "Nobody gets it..Sherman demonstrated exactly why playoffs are must see TV me. Because it takes these grown men and strips away their life armor and makes them young all over again" Let me explain..

Professional athletes in the major sports live very very comfortable lives..and they have 100% earned that comfort in my opinion. The countless spent working to hone your skills to a professional level comes with a ton of perks. We all can see how comfortable and nice life is for the mega-star athletes. Turn on any gossip website and you'll see Kobe, Floyd Mayweather, Tom Brady or Cristiano Ronaldo living it up to put it mildly. You can also easily imagine the good life being lived by guys who are really good but maybe not at the top of the food chain like those guys. Think about your favorite pro team and the second and third best players..yeah those guys are having a ball too. Lets leave these class of players aside (even though Sherman is one of them) The reality is that all those guys live, in an overall sense, very comfortably. By all of those guys I mean even the guys who are on the team but just don't play much. They are still part of an exclusive club that gets the keys to whatever city they play/work in.  How comfortable? Lets put you in the comfortable life of your local non star but still professional athlete.

If you are a player under contract with a team, you live in a really nice house. If you're a rookie maybe you are renting a really nice place to see if you stick with the team. If you are a 2-4 year veteran (again not top guys on the team) you probably own one really nice house in a nice neighborhood in your city. You have 2 really nice cars. Maybe not a million dollar super car but you can easily swing a luxury sedan and a luxury SUV or sports car. Every one's personal taste is different but those cars will be customized as you like as far as color, rims, sounds etc. You're in a city that supports a pro sports team..so you have at least a few really nice restaurants and a few trendy ones too. Guess what..you get to show up at any of those places without reservations and get an excellent table. Maybe not the best table..that's for your star teammate but boy being able to walk in and sample the cuisine of the hot new chef is awesome. Any social events in your metropolis? No problem..an invitation is in the mail for you automatically. If somehow you are left off the invite list because the party doesn't think its your cup of tea..just show up. Come on in. You are always welcome. The club perks are pretty done to death..but its worth noting that you walk right in and generally are very popular with the ladies at the establishment. This is to say nothing of those who will go there to meet you after they hear you are inside. Golf much? Perfect..you have a tee time at any course you can get to.

Ok Ahmad..we get it. They get perks and its comfortable but life is bigger than cars and parties and restaurants. Very true. Ok..so now you have children. Those children either go to very nice public schools in very nice neighborhoods or they go to the best private schools in your city. Now you have to pay for school, which you can afford, but pesky little things like applications and academic qualifications magically disappear. Not that your child isn't smart..but so that the school can say that your child is a student there. God forbid that they have health issues but if they do, you can access the best treatment available. If not in your city you can go visit a specialist in another city..no problem. Time for the family vacation? You can actually take a look at a globe and basically go anywhere. Now, only the alpha dogs have private jet money but there is no shame in being able to travel and stay first class with you and your immediate family. Sounds like a dream to me, frankly. Now all this gets you through the regular season. If you're on a winning team then holy cow life is going FANTASTIC. If your team is losing then all the comfort that your job provides you and your family provides a more than fair balance. Losing always hurts..that's a key to why they are there. When you compare all that I described to being on a non playoff team, those guys are WAY ahead of the game of life. But now lets talk about playoffs..

When those guys are in the playoffs..they are playing for bigger stakes. Much bigger..so big that the comforts of their lives aren't the main focus. For us it is entertainment, for them the playoff road to their respective championship is all they dreamed about. Its the only path to the pinnacle of their field and that always matters. Its what got them out of bed to train and work and play and work and work and play. Sure those comforts are there but in the moment that is playoff game all that stuff is suspended. Said another way, some regular season games don't matter to those guys (there, i said it) but EVERY playoff game is the biggest game on earth. Winning or losing is all that matters. All the other stuff gets stripped away and these guys return to being in  8th grade or high school when all they wanted to do was WIN THIS GAME. (more on this later) They didn't want a nice house or expensive watches..they just wanted to win THIS game here. That purity of desire played out in competition is beautiful and compelling!

So specifically to Richard Sherman. Here we are in the NFC championship game. The biggest game of the season as it gets you to the Super Bowl. It goes without saying that as an All-Pro cornerback, Richard does have all the comforts we discussed above and then some. In that moment of the deciding play of the game do you think Richard was thinking of those comforts..NO. Was he thinking of that when he woke up..eh maybe. When he arrived at the stadium and got out of his car..that was likely the last moment he thought about any of that stuff. Because tonight was a big game..the most important game of his career..A game he had to win and winning was going to be the ONLY THING HE WANTED. He didn't want a table, or another car or to go meet pretty women at some exotic locale. He wanted to win a football game. Period. When you want to do something with such singular focus, it REQUIRES you to lay it all on the line. The fact is every player on both teams wanted nothing but to win that game. The victory would be greater than any comfort life and their job has already provided them and none of those same comforts would immediately alleviate the pain from the loss. When that play began, Richard Sherman likely looked across at his man and among other things thought "I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT LET THIS GUY BEAT ME RIGHT NOW" So the play happens and he makes a spectacular play..the season is saved and you are going to the Superbowl!! Holy COW! Now people love to toss around the stereotype of the spoiled rich athlete who only cares about his money. I am not saying it doesn't exist but in contrast I present Richard Sherman. When asked by the reporter to describe that last play..aka the BIGGEST play he has ever made in his entire career..was he thinking about his money, cars, clothes, money, cars, clothes...NOPE he was thinking with the purity of an 8th grader..That sorry receiver cant beat me!! He cant beat me! I told you! We won!! I told you and were going to the Super Bowl!!! His exact words are obviously up for interpretation..but this is what I heard him thinking in that moment.

Now the game is over..The Seahawks went and celebrated and nothing they did during that celebration was better than the feeling of that win. NOTHING. Those guys were ecstatic! The 49ers went home to mourn and no amount of houses, cars or beautiful ladies to comfort them would console them in that moment. NOTHING. Those guys were devastated! Both the respective bottom lines for those men. Both teams knew that going in and that's why I stood up and applauded them both for that game. You have to risk being hurt to feel that kind of joy..in the playoffs..those are the risks and that's why its MUST WATCH.

So for those that think the world is coming to an end with what happened...allow me to share with you a fictional but possible (read: likely) Richard Sherman story that's gone on and will continue to go on at middle schools and high schools across our great nation....

Yo Tony, you ready to play today?
Yeah man..gonna be fun.
Yup. Hey, Steve Willis said he was gonna burn you today if you guarded him!
SAY WHAT?
Yeah man, I heard him tell Jackie in history class
Man Steve is sorry as a receiver! he cant burn me!
Yo that's what he said man.
Ok..lets do this!

Late in the game..with Tony's team up by a few points, he looks across and sees Steve. Snap..they head to the endzone, the ball is up...Tony tips it away! Game is over. Tony is mobbed by his team "I told y'all! I told y'all Steve was sorry" Steve's reply? "Whatever man..that's the only play you made all game"
I told y'all!! Steve was sorry..he cant burn me.

Not worried about money cars or anything..Just who would win that day :) Ah...the purity and simplicity of youth. Always refreshing when I see it from adults.


Quote of the post

"You have to risk being totally destroyed in order to feel epic happiness. It sounds tough, but its worth it"


Good night yall!


Ahmad
@MoviestarAhmad

Moviestar chronicles BACK in 2014

Happy belated NEW YEAR!!

Great to talk to you all!! I realize its been a while. The simple fact is that I had to clear my head and step away from this for a while. It was tough not having an outlet like this but it was something that I had to do for the sake of my sanity and my life. It also helped me remember that I get as much if not more out of this than you do. There were a few people who constantly asked me when I was going to start writing again..so for those folks THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH..I didn't know ya cared. :) All this being said this post will not be as topical as I just want to get some things out there, catch you guys up and get back on the proverbial horse


-This will be my biggest year ever
Might as well start with this. Ill share my full goals in my next post but I have added some aggressive goals to the sheet and actually have a good mind to complete them. Part of my mind reboot while stepping away has hammered home the point that time is precious and I need to get to "it" on a number of levels.

-My new agent rocks
Her name is Jacque and she likes college football. More importantly she gave me the kick in the ass that I needed at the time AND she gets me out for quality auditions. I am not saying this to brag, but I remember when this wasn't the case in town so I am happy

-Old friends and new opportunities
A couple of dear friends have approached me about a big business opportunity. So big that I have to mention it here but too early to say anything specific. It came out of the blue and it has been on my mind ever since as it could be a life changer. Point being you never know when good stuff comes out of nowhere.

-My first NATIONAL RELEASE FILM
This fall I am slated to start shooting my first nationally released film. I have a very juicy supporting role opposite some notable actors. Of course, its not set until you get a call sheet but basically a director who i worked with on his first feature is now doing his first big budget film. All I can tell you now is that I get to be scary and will get to use a British accent the whole time. Who knows what will happen until we get there but this could also be a life changer

-My current day job is laughable as in the people I work with.
The only reason that I mention this is because when I think about all the day jobs I have had in town I have millions of stories and ideas to work on. Just gotta flesh em out on the page but I cant say I don't have stuff to work on. I think I'm the only person there who doesn't have a neck tattoo, a weave or a criminal record. BTW this is all volunteered information they are happy to share.

-Today's proof that god has a sense of humor
I submitted for a modeling agency open call months ago. Before the holidays which included generous amounts of peach cobbler and champagne. Never heard anything and didn't think about it...until last week when they contacted me and wanted to represent me for modeling stuff. So now I have to rush even more to eliminate my holiday weight..haha all I could to is laugh, thank god and know that he is laughing at me too. I mean that guy is busy, so if he gets a laugh at my expense..its the least I could do

Most of all guys...its still about being positive and believing in the strength that we all have inside of us. Sometimes life can fool us into thinking it isn't there...BUT IT IS. Its right there when you need it most. Never forget that..


Quote of the day..
"If you want to conquer fear, don't sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."


Thanks for reading! Its so good to be back. As always hit me up on twitter with your thoughts


Ahmad
@MoviestarAhmad

Lessons from my empty stomach to your heart and mind

Greetings Heroes,

I hope all is well with you. Summer time is nearly over as is the fast for me personally. During this time I spend a great deal of time reflecting on life and working on my relationship with god. As I have told all my friends over the years, you would be amazed with how lucid your mind is when you don't have food on your stomach. That being said, today's blog entry has no specific topic...just some of the thoughts on my mind during Ramadan

Some days during the fast when I am really hungry I remind myself that there are millions of people all over the world who are hungry and have no choice. When I think of that I am no longer hungry.

Patience really is a virtue. When its still 2 hours before sundown all you can really do is wait. Sometimes in life, you have to wait your turn.

Cleansing your body cleanses your mind and helps you feel your best. I always feel young and healthy after I complete the fast

You have to trust in gods plan for your life. This is not to say that you just stand there and let life happen. You do your best and if your intentions are pure, trust in gods plan for YOU

Your mind is stronger than anything else you have. Stronger than all your muscles..stronger than thirst and hunger..stronger than any obstacle that life puts in front of you. You can use your mind for your own good or to your own detriment. Either way, it is VERY strong.

Sacrifice is essential to get anywhere of note in life. Putting other things aside and putting your energy into your main focus will not always be pleasant in your life, but doing it will allow you go where your heart and mind really want to go. That's worth it so long as your goal is...

Don't pray for yourself or for things..pray for your friends and family to be kept safe and happy. It sounds basic but I promise that if you do that for one week, you will feel much better.

Last but not least..do a small good deed regularly. Help an old lady cross the street, open the door for a random person. The positive energy that you get from that will propel you forward!!


Inspirational quote

“The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire."




Thanks for reading guys. Hit me up with your thoughts

Ahmad
@MoviestarAhmad

Your Journey is yours..just like the destination!

Happy Sunday Gang!!

As always, I hope is well with you and yours! For those unaware we are on the eve of the month of Ramadan which is a very important month for me. I don't believe in preaching so type it into your favorite search engine for more information. For me, one of the things I love MOST about Ramadan is that it gives me the time to clear my mind, cleanse my whole being and focus on what is really important..god, family and destiny. I apologize to all those close to me for those upcoming periods of crankiness :) Its just me being hungry.

This is quite a journey..this life thing. Within that grander journey we have the thing that we spend our life energy trying to achieve. The place we want to go. For all of us its different and the length of our personal-goal journey varies. As an actor you always want to "make it" yesterday. Sure, you understand that you have to work on your craft, network, do ABSOLUTELY GREAT WORK, and keep going though you wont book every audition. All that being said you still wish the journey from unknown actor to move star to be a steady (and quick) climb to the top of the Hollywood hills. When that doesn't happen, you get that healthy dose of adversity/reality that makes you look inside your heart of hearts to make certain that you are willing to make the sacrifice to do this...So you do the right thing..you know FOR A FACT that this is what you want to do with your life and you are undeterred..Great. You made a decision based on what YOU personally wanted to do with your life and whereas everyone takes ownership of that, today's post is about the other side of that coin that you MUST take ownership of..

Your journey is YOURS...and yours alone

We all have something we want to do. Hopefully. That overarching goal that guides our daily decisions and life to a large degree. When you set that goal out there, you likely thought about what you wanted to do and what you were good at and/or wanted to get really really good at. Just like that gold medal is YOURS..the journey it takes to get there is YOURS..personally yours. We are all human, guys. We are full of dreams, potential, energy, attributes, flaws, strengths, weaknesses ..all the things that make us up. Although we may choose the same or similar dreams what you have to go through in order to get to your promised land is what makes it your journey as opposed to mine. When your road gets tough from time to time, understand that this isn't god punishing you for past lives or the world singling you out. The rough times are part of your journey that YOU must go through to get somewhere. To put it in plain english, don't freak out and get negative during those times when the game isn't going quite the way you expected or wanted it to go. Those times MUST happen in order for you to develop yourself and work on the things you are lacking in order to get to the next level in your pursuit. Yeah guys, you know I keep it real on this blog and those times when you are "losing" means that you likely do NOT have all the skills necessary to achieve your dream. Not having those skills is not the problem. Not having enough humility to realize that you are not perfect, need to improve or (dare I say it) are not quite ready is the problem. Realizing that this is your journey and it will go exactly how it is supposed to go can help you put the ego aside and look at all those tough times properly. By properly I mean as a chance to go back to the drawing board and come back as a better version of you. Eventually those evolutionary times will bring you to your best self. I am not saying that your dream and journey is happenstance and you should just sit back and be a passenger. Absolutely not! More that if you have faith in your personal goal and faith in your hard work and drive your journey will eventually get to your desired destination. The ups and downs are ALL a part of it. So don't be so hard on yourself when you aren't lighting your industry on fire. 

I am hard on myself all the time. Frankly, I expected to be in at least a few big films by now. I didn't expect to be a big star just yet but I expected to be able to pay my bills with money from acting by now. I expected my cousins, aunts and uncles to be able to go to their local theaters and catch me delivering a line or 5 in a nationally released film. Hasn't happened...period. The ego makes me be hard on myself. "why haven't you done this or that, Ahmad". When I accept that everything I am going through I must go through, the ego subsides and the smart inner self takes over. "This is your journey. What do you need to work on TODAY so that the journey can continue tomorrow". Now that's a much better way to look at it. 

Your goal is your own! Your prize, your brass ring that you wish to grab means more to you than anyone else. When you get there, you will have a feeling that you wont quite be able to explain. How you get there is also a part of it. Trust the process..trust your gut..and understand that we all must travel a different journey to get there. Don't worry about someone else journey.. Enjoy yours!!

Inspirational quote:

"You were born to be real, not to be perfect. You're here to be you, not to be what someone else wants you to be."

Thanks for reading!!

@MoviestarAhmad